Dementia Thoughts

Looking For The Light

Dementia sucks, it’s fucking life sucking. I watched my granny die from Dementia, you don’t wish that type of death on anyone. Once she no longer knew who she or anyone else was it was crushing. I don’t want to die that way and have been vocal about it to the surprise of my husband, Therapist and Psychiatrist. My decision is between me and God.

I say with no emotion, I will kill myself once my mind slips and life becomes fuzzy. One day while sitting with my granny, she broke out into a rage about why gramps left her at someone else’s house. She was in her own home, I’m taking photos off the wall, she continued to escalate, banging her head on the door jam saying gramps left her and she wanted to die. I had to medicate her before she hurt one of us.

Yesterday, I watch…

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  1. Approaching life’s end is so different for everyone. Taking care of my parents, I really don’t know much about what to expect. Both parents have short term memory challenges that can be frustrating. Neither has slipped into life consuming delusions. Sometimes I feel sad for our family and friends living in nursing homes, but then life is simple there- few decisions to make- less input from the world. I try to make life fairly simple for my parents, but it is a lot.

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