Owning It

Far-Worse

I was warned that preparing for this would be the hardest thing I had ever done.

It wasn’t.

Living in the fear that forbid me was far worse.


It’s been a week since I took those first halting steps onto the stage. The day was so full, time needs to breath into my memories. As it recedes into the past, bits and pieces come into a tighter focus.

The competition was a milestone for me. I went to belong to an ideal that has teased me since childhood. There is a wealth embedded in the experience that was extraordinary and common simultaneously.

Thinking of it as a competition was part farce. The designation was a cloak I used to tease out the better me. It was never against them, always me, against myself. These men weren’t the other, there to be dominated, I sensed a camaraderie. In a sense we…

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