Today is the day I take Brother to visit the dad, after almost a year of no/low contact. Why am I nervous? There are a number of reasons… Over the past year, when faced with hard things, Brother has turned to self harm and harming me. When he was younger, he would just go into fetal position and cry or dissociate. As he has gotten older, he has tried to suffocate and choke himself, and has fractured my elbow. He thinks he is ready for this visit…. I hope he truly is.
The other thing that I am nervous about, is that the dad has told Brother that he was going to kill me. He showed him the weapon he uses, and bragged about conceal carrying, and keeping a gun in his car. Brother was afraid that the dad would “get really angry and shoot someone”. This wouldn’t make me AS nervous, except that the dad has gone silent on the low communication I must have with him (notifying of doctor visits and out of state trips). He has hired a new attorney, and started gathering information from the kids’ therapists. He assured Brother’s therapist that he had dropped these efforts (it was a lie- at the exact time he said that, he was targeting Little AoA’s therapist).
On top of that, he has neglected the financial portion of our legal agreement last July. He has not paid ANY child support for the nine months the agreement has been in effect. I know that visits and financial support are separate issues, but at the same time, supporting your children financially does help to show that both parents are working together to support the kids. The kids know….as they get older, they realize who is taking care of their needs. I am empathetic towards parents who truly can’t manage child support, but in our case, the dad’s worth in property is nearing a million dollars, and I am living paycheck to paycheck with my parents as our housemates, helping with monthly expenses.
Lying….going silent….refusing to support the kids…
Our parenting evaluation pointed to the great possibility that he is a sociopath (no diagnoses were given, just data and key words). I just don’t see evidence that he truly cares about anything but power and control. I do not see this reunification as the act of a loving father who just misses his kids. I have lived amidst his lies….14 years before finally escaping. It tore me apart from the inside.
While I believe children benefit from relationships with two loving and supportive parents, I also see the harm that is done when control is disguised as love. I always hope that I am wrong about the dad, and that the AoA kids could have a truly positive relationship with the dad…time will tell…
and as usual, I will be picking up the pieces of little shattered hearts, and praying that their hearts are made whole…❤️