An Open Letter to Lupus

Dear lupus,

You have changed my life. You turned my life, and my parents life upside down. You know, it was very hard to diagnose you. It took 2 years. That’s 24 months- 730 days- 17520 hours- 1051200 minutes- 63072000 seconds of my life spent trying to diagnose. For a while, I was in a really dark place. The darkness comes and goes, because of the trials you’ve put me through, and continue to put me through. I have been through tortuous trials to diagnose you- countless amounts of blood work, scans, hospital stays, steroids, and doctors appointments. I also had to make arduous decision to put school on hold, stop working, and quit running half marathons (which were my passion). You’ve put me through a lot, lupus. I blamed you. I blamed myself, wondering what I ever did to deserve this. You have caused so much hurt and pain in my life. There were doctors who didn’t understand what you were, so they turned me away. I have had friends and doctors who gave up on me. You tried to break me down, lupus. You took everything from me. But you know what? I am a warrior, and a survivor. I have certain friends and family who have only rallied against me. I have learned who is there for me, when I’ve needed them the most. I have a stronger bond than ever with my parents. I have discovered my passion and love for writing, which I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for you, lupus. I am stronger, because of you. At times, I feel like you have only broken me, but you’re only making me stronger. So lupus, you may have changed my life, but if I had the chance to go back and redo my life or change experiences, I wouldn’t. You have made me into the person I am today. So, I may hate you, and hate the pain you bring me- I am also very thankful for the mindset you’ve given me, the strength I’ve developed, and the bonds I have formed with those around me. I know you will be something I will forever have to deal with, I also know there are positive attributes to having you in my life. Just know, you will never break me.

Sincerely,

This lupus warrior ♡

This post was first seen on lifewithanillness.com

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