That Line

My body won’t free me until I do something.

Owning It

via Daily Prompt: Swallow

I saw this prompt. I ignored this prompt. I didn’t think about, didn’t check in to see what others wrote. I don’t want it. I told myself I wouldn’t write this. I looked away and pretended I didn’t need to.

But my throat tightened. I wanted to swallow, but was afraid I couldn’t. Clenched tight, a knotty ball lays at the top of my throat. A hard hurt you hope you can ease around, but can’t.

My body won’t give me a pass.

I can not ignore this prompt.

He choked me.

How can I remember it without my throat slamming shut? Why? Four decades of free breath yet here I am. My body won’t free me until I do something. This prompt, is this a way out? My body needs the memory, needs me to do what, fucking cry?

He…

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2 comments

  1. I’ve mentioned “The Body Keeps the Score” so many times now. I never finished it, I got it very quickly and then, just absorbed that, and agreed wholly with the title. I might need some more insight and will pick the book up again later.

    What gets to me, is that the more work I do, the more I try very hard to do the work of recovery, to really face the pain, and anguish of my childhood, my body gets deeply involved. I understood the book’s title, the many chapters that I did read, and knew my body has it’s part in this, but damn if I could see how much response it automatically will prevail upon me.

    Here it is, you’re fully sharing, what so many of us share, and I am crying. That to me, because my therapist has said, just let it, that’s ok, I’m letting it. I don’t like it, but… I’m letting it.

    Liked by 1 person

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