Survival Anxiety

From the Miriam- Webster Dictionary:

Definition of anxiety
plural anxieties

1 a (1) : apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill : a state of being anxious

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What triggers your anxiety?  Is it an illness that is threatening to return? Is it a threat of violence, or the memory of a traumatic event?

For me, the mere thought of guns in my daily life…the thought of civilians carrying concealed weapons…people I don’t know.  I tried to overcome this anxiety by learning to handle a gun myself.  I completed training to have a concealed weapon.  I am not afraid to hold or handle a gun myself. I choose not to have guns around me.

About three months ago, I learned that my ex-husband told our son that he was going to kill me.  He showed our son the gun he would use.  This man has killed with a gun before- his own father.  He has held a gun to the head of another ex-spouse, in a threatening manner.  He has made a statement to a psychologist, that he could be pushed to kill.

In all the recent talk surrounding weapons, I shake my head.  This man has bragged to our kids about the fact that he conceal carries.  My son is afraid that his dad will murder someone in a sudden burst of anger.  

He passes background checks….was able to sign on as a substitute teacher in our public schools. I even called our district to advise against this hiring, and was told that as long as he passed a background check, he could work in our schools with our children.

There was nothing more I could do to protect myself and others.

How do you cope with anxiety?

I take a lot of deep breaths.  I also distract my mind with genuine purpose.  I have a mission in life…everyday.  I want to show God’s Love to all that I meet.  I want to share the message “you are enough” with others who struggle with perfectionism and other self-defeating mantras.  I want to build relationships, and teach others to do the same.

Love to all of you who battle anxiety from very real experiences❤️

~AoA

6 comments

  1. Hi friend
    You understand anxiety more than most. What ass of a dad would show his gun he’s going to kill you with. What court would allow the negotiation continue. My father put a gun to my head with a 357, there was no doubt the outcome could go either way. Can you start a group away from campus to have other teachers met to discuss anxiety. Every teacher in America has anxiety. Chances are your exact issue won’t pop up but you are moving forward by doing something. Talking about anxiety make spark other ideas. I just had one, does the local DV center have any speakers or classes? Even if you’ve hear, it’s a reminder, maybe you forgot something.
    I’ll keep you in my prayers. Hugs to you and kids.
    Do something nice for yourself, hot lavender bath, maybe?

    Liked by 1 person

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