how loud can you scream

survivor road

i’ve been told my voice carries well.  i suppose that’s just a polite way of saying i’m loud.  that’s ok, i know it’s true – whispering has never come natural to me.  perhaps it’s because as a child i learned first hand just how scary, just how painful secrets can be.  not to say i can’t speak quietly; i just have to work at it.  even my normal speaking voice is metered out; every bit of attention is given to ensure i am not blaring.

yet, even with the tone and strength of my voice, i cannot truly yell.  yes, i can call out to someone, for example, at the park or across a crowded room, but the ability to truly scream is beyond me.  a therapist told me once if i was unable to scream, i probably need to.  i’ve beat pillows and thrown things in private sessions and…

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