The sacrifice that is truly required to keep kids safe following divorce from a controlling, abusive, and toxic person, is a hell that most could not even imagine.
Child support? There will be none. You are on your own to provide for all of the needs of the children that your ex “promised” to always support.
Safety? No…you will always be checking your surroundings. If he was physically violent, or as in my case, if he has killed someone with a gun before, you grow to accept that any day may be your last.
Peace? Maybe very deep in your soul, there will be a small flicker of peace. At least you are no longer under the same roof. As you see your children hurting from the effects of the trauma of their early childhood, pain resurfaces.
Legal Resolve? Still waiting…waiting…. One seemingly simple request (no more overnights), turns into an ordeal costing well over $20,000 (which you have to borrow). The controlling abuser can’t negotiate…can’t discuss what the needs of his own children might be. He fights not for the safety of the children, but for control over YOU! Every request goes through the court, which schedules 4-6 months out. Three requests that may easily be resolved with a non-abusive person, in a conversation; takes 18 months or longer!
There is no easy road to take…
Run? More risk than staying.
Ignore? The abuse of the children gets worse as they grow more independent. The effects on their mental health can be devastating and difficult to endure.